Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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