just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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