The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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