Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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