Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
