We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
