I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
