hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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