Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You are a genius and a whore.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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