census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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