I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
