You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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