When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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