Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize