when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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