i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
