You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
