he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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