I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
