Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
