does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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