Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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