Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
