Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
