I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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