This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
