remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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