I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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