We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
