is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
