don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
