made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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