I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
