i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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