I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
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