I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
