Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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