I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
