A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
