I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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