I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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