obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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