i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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