How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
All I want is dick and wine.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
