There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
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