he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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