hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize