why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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