Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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