Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
