I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So much Jack, so little girl.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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