She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
