Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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