you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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