i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
