can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
