Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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