Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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