do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
