Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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