I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's blow job season.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
