youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
