Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
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They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
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Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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