Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
