Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
