I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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